Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable,
Heidegger, Heidegger was boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table,

David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist,
Socrates, himself, was 
permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill,
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whisky every day.

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
"I drink, therefore I am."

Yes, Socrates, himself, is
particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

For those of you who like to listen to the original, feel free to download this mp3. If you are the BBC wondering if I am trying to infringe upon your copyright, have no wories. This is simply a fan site where I encourage people to purchase your products. Hey you, consider buying the Monty Python DVD set.

The Philosopher Song